Being diagnosed with a health condition brings a great deal of physical, emotional and practical challenges for a person. However, you don’t have to do it alone: creating a strong support network during your recovery can greatly relieve day-to-day pressures and feelings of isolation following your diagnosis.

In this article, we explore the importance of support networks; how to best utilise a support network to help you; as well as the importance of good communication during your recovery.

What is a support network?

Support - hand on shoulder - cardiac lauren

A support network is a group of people who help you with different areas of your life following your diagnosis. This could range from helping with gardening and household chores; transporting you to medical appointments; being a listening ear and providing emotional support; and much, much more.

Creating a support network

Setting up a support network following your diagnosis is immensely beneficial for both yourself and your loved ones. It becomes more than just a place where you gain much-needed support for your condition; it is also a place for people to understand your condition more; ask questions; and express their emotions during this time. Reaching out to people and creating an extensive support network may also lead to friends and family befriending one another and alleviating any pressure they feel through empathy and shared experiences. In this way, everyone benefits from a support network.

How do I set up a support network?

To set up a support network, think about your needs following your diagnosis. This may be emotional support, such as talking about your feelings and worries, or practical support, such as cooking, household chores and arranging doctor’s appointments. Make a list and then consider the current people in your life who would be good at helping with these things. You could also consider people outside your immediate circles, such as reaching out to a friendly neighbour to ask if they could help with gardening, or community groups such as churches.

Asking for help is more difficult for some people, who may feel guilt or even shame from asking for extra help. However, by reaching out to people, you can reduce your stress levels and focus more on your recovery. Most people are more than happy to help in your support network. In fact, giving them a ‘role’ allows them to feel useful and that they are actively supporting you.

Support network - asking for help - cardiac lauren

Support networks can be more than friends and family

Although friends and family may feel like your rock during your recovery, it is worth noting that support networks exist outside of your immediate circle. It can be useful to explore local and online support groups of people who also have a heart condition. The British Heart Foundation website has a useful page to help you connect to people in the heart health community.

Click here to get started and meet new people.

What does support look like?

Here are some of the day-to-day pressures of living with a heart condition and get the practical and emotional support you need. Friends and family are a good place to start when setting up your support network, although local and online communities exist for those who do not have an existing circle, or who are interested in connecting with others who are going through a similar experience. Supporting someone with a heart condition takes many different forms and everyone’s individual needs will be different. Support should be what it is: support and not a burden to the individual.

Emotional Support

People who provide good emotional support are caring and empathetic. Seek someone you trust to share your feelings and concerns with and who will provide a listening ear, empathy, and reassurance in return. Emotional support can look like some of the following:

Phoning you to check in
Popping over for a cup of tea
Going for a walk or doing other exercise with you
Listening to you
Having fun and taking your mind off of your condition

Support network phoning someone - cardiac lauren

Creating a support network after your heart diagnosis

Practical Support

While recovering from a heart condition, daily tasks can be difficult, as you may not be able to resume your normal activity without exertion. Some daily tasks that you can ask someone in your support network (who lives with you or close by) to help with are as follows:

Dressing and washing
Cooking
Cleaning
Gardening
Walking dogs
Transportation
Reminding you to take your medication

Support network - cooking - cardiac lauren

Support network - cleaning - cardiac lauren

Remember that anyone who gives you support during your recovery should respect your autonomy and, ideally, be educated about your heart condition (and its implications on your daily activities and energy levels). Aim to establish open communication with these people in your close circle and read our article ‘How might my diagnosis affect my relationships?’ for more about relationships after a heart diagnosis.

Good communication: what is open dialogue and why is it important within your support network?

Open dialogue is essentially conversations where the people involved feel at ease talking openly to each other about a topic. There is often the feeling that no idea is off-limits and everyone feels safe and mutually respected. For open dialogue to take place, it is best to schedule a specific time in a safe, comfortable place (such as a kitchen table) and to ensure that any prior conflicts have been resolved before starting the conversation. Talking about feelings and emotions during open dialogue is encouraged, as it is a safe place to do so.

Support ongoing dialogue - cardiac lauren

Open dialogue also lends to ‘ongoing dialogue’, which is when people are comfortable in bringing up a previously discussed topic – especially one that may feel ‘sensitive’ at times. This could be a friend knowing that it is ok to ask a person with a health condition how they are doing – if their medicine still makes them feel sleepy, etc. It could also look like a child being encouraged to ask questions and express their feelings in response to a parent with a heart condition. Ongoing dialogue can make everyone feel more relaxed around the subject of your heart condition and accept and come to terms with the changes it will bring.

Nobody should have to go through their heart diagnosis alone. Subscribing to Cardiac Lauren gives you the opportunity to join a WhatsApp group made up of fellow members who are going through or have been through, the same situation as you.

It’s normal for your diagnosis to impact some of the relationships in your life. Due to the emotional nature of the subject, your friends and family may react differently to the news. It is important to remember that their response doesn’t change their feeling towards you; the fact is that people show their emotions differently. So while some people become immediately protective of their loved one and want to be involved as much as possible in recovery, it may take some time for others – particularly children – to come to terms with the news.

It is important to emphasise that everyone is different when it comes to maintaining relationships following a heart event. However, with patience and awareness, the bond between you and a loved one can grow stronger than ever before.

Read about how to navigate your relationships below, to ensure that you receive the best support from your friends and family following your diagnosis.

Time to communicate

Communication is key when it comes to maintaining strong relationships following any health diagnosis. Put plenty of time aside to speak to your loved one about your diagnosis. Even if the news upsets them initially, later on they will appreciate you giving your time to talk to them about your condition.

We recommend that you choose a suitable time and place (a safe, private space such as your kitchen table) to have the conversation, and think about what you need to express to your loved one – for example, details about your diagnosis; your needs from them; and potentially reassurance that they can maintain ongoing communication with you and ask questions about your condition.

When a family member becomes a carer

Whether it’s short-term or long-term, becoming a carer for somebody else can be a daunting challenge and one which may take some time to adjust to. Try to be patient with a loved one who becomes a carer, as they may make mistakes at first and need encouragement and reassurance from you that they are doing a good job. Gently remind them when something needs doing and let them know that you trust them to care for you.

Family career relationships - cardiac lauren

If your partner becomes your care-giver, it may impact the intimate side of your relationship. This is because the practical requirement of care may overshadow the emotional and physical connection with your partner. Let your partner know that they can still show intimacy and affection towards you, even if it is through kissing, caressing and other romantic gestures.

When somebody becomes overprotective

Overprotective friends and family mean the best. Although they may come across as bossy, overprotective loved ones are often chronic worriers whose way of coping is to ‘control’ as much as they can. It can, however, be frustrating to be bombarded with ‘advice’ or told when to take your meditation or how to eat.

As long as you are following your doctor’s advice, if you find someone’s behaviour too overprotective, find a time and place to speak with them. Kindly but firmly tell them that you appreciate how dedicated they are to supporting you, however, you are finding their behaviour overbearing and unnecessary. Tell them your honest feelings and reassure them if need be that you are making steps towards better health. If appropriate, you could also set boundaries; for example, you can remind me to take my medication if I have clearly forgotten, however, you should not comment on my diet.

How to speak to children about your diagnosis

Think carefully about what you’d like to share about your health condition with your child, but aim to be clear and honest. Many children will be frightened and worried by the news; they may have heard of similar events from school friends or even in the news. Allowing your child to ask questions about your condition is crucial, as well as reassuring them that you are still their parent who loves them.

For older children, consider that they may feel guilty for spending time away at home; for example, if they are out with friends after school or moving to college or university. Reassure your older child or teenager that you want what’s best for them and ensure that their own needs are being met – particularly if they are helping out more around the house.

Some children and even adults lash out when they hear upsetting news. Try to be patient with this, and let them know that you are here for them if they are ready to engage with you calmly again. Lashing out often occurs when a person takes a longer time to process negative news; it is upsetting for you, but time usually changes their perspective. Also, consider letting your child’s school know about your diagnosis. Most schools have support systems, or at least your child will be on a teacher or pastoral worker’s ‘radar’.

How can I support my friend with their diagnosis?

If you are a friend of someone who has been diagnosed with a heart condition, you may feel the need to back away to give them more time with family. Alternatively, as a non-family member, you may feel helpless and the need to ‘overcompensate’ to support your friend (such as more phone calls and coming around with support packages).

The best balance between these two reactions is to continue your friendship as normal, but occasionally ask if they need extra support from you. Some people will want to talk about their diagnosis, whereas others – especially with their friends – want their time with you to be as close to ‘normality’ as possible. Listen to your friend and understand their needs but try not to treat them differently to how you would have done before – have a laugh!

Friendship advice for the diagnosed

You may wish to tell your friend that they can ask about your condition, rather than ‘tip toe’ around the subject. They may be nervous or unsure whether they can bring this up with you. This is completely your decision, but perhaps a good early boundary that you can set with them.

Friendship circles also often involve social drinking, which you may have been instructed to avoid by your doctor. If it becomes clear that your relationship with your friend is based on alcohol, or they put pressure on you to continue drinking, then it is best to avoid these individuals and work on the more meaningful relationships in your life. Nobody should ever pressure you to drink while diagnosed with a heart condition; as long as they understand the implications for your health, then there is no excuse for this behaviour.

Overall, the news of your diagnosis will produce a range of different reactions, from shock to fierce protectiveness. While some people may become more distant and others closer, give your loved ones time to process the news and make your needs clear to them. Try to be patient, as it may take a while to navigate a relationship where the dynamics have shifted slightly. Most importantly, make sure that your relationships are still grounded in equality and bring you joy.

Make time to do the things you enjoy with your loved ones; laugh a lot; and create meaningful moments.

In Cardiac Lauren there is a support network via our WhatsApp group where members can ask each other questions and offer support. For Heart Failure patients find more information here.

Support Network